Years ago, when my bipolar disorder symptoms would show up,
I did not know how to handle them. I was under great stress, debilitating grief and I was all over the place. I was up, down, happy, sad, angry, and impulsive. These were just a few of the emotions that I was experiencing. I was using unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the pain and suffering that I was experiencing. In my mind, I really thought that the excessive spending, alcohol, and sex would make me feel better, and somehow my bad feelings would magically disappear with each purchase, each drink, or with each encounter. That could have not been father from the truth. The more I spent or drank, the worse I felt. It was like there was a disconnection from myself that I was yearning to reconnect and I was totally clueless on how to accomplish this.
When I finally came to terms with the fact that I needed to seek treatment,
it was like I was opening a door to a new way of life. I was saying yes to myself, and giving myself a chance to get well, and live the life that I have always wanted to live. I decided to make an investment in myself. The initial investment was therapy and psychiatry. I am going to be honest, initially I was not pleased at the cost that I would be spending on therapy a month, it was something like $200 with my insurance. With regular psychiatry appointments, that would be maybe another $50 a month. I had to stop looking at the money that I was spending as a loss but rather an investment. When I began to see the benefits of my investment pay off, I started investing more and more in myself. I invested not on my outside appearance but on the things that would help me grow spiritually, mentally and intellectually. They are all connected. I started investing in books, and coaching, and anything else that would allow me, along with my mental health treatment to become a better person overall. I am glad that I have done that. I have grown and learned so much in the last two years about myself. If I had not made the decision to invest in myself, I would not be able to sit here right now and write this post for you. I am my greatest asset and I am worth the investment, and so are you!