How important is dealing with past issues in order to maintain your illness ?

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Well if you ask me I say it is very very important.  

Let me explain why I think this is the case. When I made the decision to begin my mental health recovery journey, I did not know that I would be simultaneously starting my self-awareness and self-discovery journey as well.  Making this decision was one of the best decisions and investments that I could have ever made for myself.


When I started to see my see my therapist, she would ask me things about my past, my parents, and about old relationships.

 I would think to myself, “Why is she asking me this?, this doesn’t have anything to do with being bipolar?” She would ask me to talk about my mother, and her passing (which is my total weak spot).  I would find myself with a face full of tears and a handful of kleenex.


I felt like it was totally pointless to talk about my past relationships and my childhood…..

when all I wanted to talk about was how to fix myself and my anxiety and my bipolar disorder.  What I did not realize was that talking about my past and where I had been would help with where I was going and what my future would be like. Looking at the past and the experiences that I had would allow me to discover who I was as a person, these were all very important things that I needed to evaluate on this journey of mental health recovery and even more important on my journey of self-awareness.  Who I was as a person played a part in how I responded to my illness and my symptoms, and all of this information would allow me to be more informed and educated when taking care of myself in the present and the future.



I've been away for a while, but I'm back!

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I have been away from the blog for a couple of weeks but now I am back.  

Over the last couple of weeks, I was not in the best place mentally. I was not well.  I could feel myself, falling into a downward spiral of instability and dysfunction. To be quite honest I did something that as I look back on was so detrimental to myself and my health.   I am just glad that I was able to take control of the situation and get back on track. About a month or so ago I made the wise decision to stop taking my medication. I use the word wise in the most sarcastic way possible.  At the time, I thought that this was the right thing to do. I thought that I would be good. I thought that I would be fine, and still feel happy, content, and stable without the medication. I was wrong.

What I did not realize in the moment that I made that decision, was that the medication was doing what it was supposed to do for me.  It was supposed to make me feel content, stable, and leveled out. As soon as the medication, started to leave my body I could feel the level of tension rise, my patience run paper thin, and my irritation go from 0 to 60 in 10 seconds flat. I slowly fell into a pit that was filled with anger, shame, and thea flurry of symptoms that my bipolar disorder would quickly remind me of.  


I’m glad that this happened.  This needed to happen.

I had to see for myself, how important my medication is for me and how it helps me so very much.  I had to see the contrast in my behavior when I am on medication, and when I am not on medication. I needed to know that I can recognize when I am in a mental health crisis and when I need to reach out for help.  This was a necessary detour on my mental health recovery journey so that I could gain just a bit more information about myself and how my condition affects me.


For weeks, I was conflicted on whether or not I would mention this happening.  But I decided to speak about it for several reasons: 1) I needed to be honest with myself and my mental health care providers, 2) I had  accept the fact that I do take medication, and it has helped achieve many of my goals and move towards the life that I want and deserve, and 3) I know that I am not alone in this situation.  


I try to take away something from every situation that I find myself in and this one is no different.  

Here is the bottom line for me: There is nothing wrong with taking medication. My brain is an organ that needs help and my medication does exactly that.  I have also learned that I cannot be so hard on myself when I make a mistake. I am in control, and I can also prevent myself from making a downward spiral.